Lifeletter #156: The Courage To Love

A mentor of mine challenged me a few weeks ago. She is a beautiful, fiery Mexican woman, who was working with me in a private session. At one point she invited me to completely let go of everything I was thinking, and open to the essence of what I was struggling with. I felt challenged and deeply honoured by her invitation, and it has been alive in me ever since.  I felt her drawing me forward, through the limits of my conventional awareness, into a space that is much deeper, more alive and full of truth.

I realized something about love in that moment. I saw that love does not compromise in that way, love does not participate in all of the ways that we fool ourselves, and hold ourselves back. I knew that this woman truly loved me, and that it was the power of her love that allowed her to challenge me, even if I were to experience a negative reaction. She trusted that her love would be strong and deep enough to contain my reactivity.

I recognize this capacity in myself, the times when I have been strong enough, clear enough, to embody such a love. And I feel the possibility we have of learning to live this way with the people we love, of committing to love each other like this.

A great deal of the time, we participate in each others weaknesses and egoic survival strategies, without even knowing we are doing this. It’s an idea of what love is that has been transmitted to us non-verbally, down through the generations. We have many agreements about this, in our social circles, at work, and in our families. Most of these agreements are based on beliefs that love is a soothing, nourishing force that should never disturb us. It takes a lot of courage to step outside these collective agreements and realize that love has another face. Love is much more than what we have been taught it is. It seems to me that this kind of courage comes from love itself, from a love that sees clearly, and is not interested in playing the games that keep us entangled, unconscious and afraid.

We have a lot of fantasies about what would happen if we were this daring, this transparent, and this full of clarity. We fear the loss of relationship, and ultimately, we fear for our survival. This is why we need each other, in order to embrace a greater love. If two of us, or a small group of us, make a strong commitment to living outside of our old agreements, this new way of being with each other becomes possible. Not overnight, but through the power of our shared intention, and the practices that this commitment give birth to.

I know this is true, because it is happening in my own life. Sometimes my commitment to non-collaboration with the unconscious tendencies of the people around me is frightening. And a great deal of the time it is exhilarating and profoundly fulfilling. There are moments when I feel the freedom and beauty of this love quickening something in us, and I am filled with reverence.

If you had a temple in the secret spaces of your heart,
What would you worship there?
What would you bring to sacrifice?
What would be behind the curtain in the holy of holies?

 

Go there now.

 

~ Tom Barrett ~

(Keeping in Touch)

 

with love, 

Shayla

 

photo credit: Jenna Martin ~jennamartinphotography.com