Embodied Transformation & Evolution

Your Come to Jesus Moment ~ The Alchemy of True Humility

Posted by on Apr 17, 2018 in Featured Writing, Lifeletters & Articles | 5 comments

Your Come to Jesus Moment ~ The Alchemy of True Humility

Lately, my ears seem to perk right up whenever someone speaks to me about being humbled. It’s really more than my ears—my heart gets stirred as well. There is something radically different in the whole feeling of such a conversation, whenever someone is able to speak directly from the experience of being humbled.

I’ve learned that things happen when we are truly humbled. We cannot carry on in the same way. Sometimes I call these ‘our come to Jesus’ moments. I think they deserve a deep level of our attention and respect.

I had a ‘come to Jesus’ moment recently, in relation to my criticality. That’s a clinical way of talking about the times when I am simply a bitch. I know that the ability to be a bitch is essential at times. Most women I have spoken with are aware of this. If we suppress the directness of this energy, which is connected with our beautiful needs and our real ‘no’, we become someone like Archie Bunker’s wife, Edith, slinking around the house like a shadow, trying to please everyone but ourselves.

There’s a shadow side to this bitchiness though. It’s all of the suppressed anger, frustration and powerlessness that women have struggled with for thousands of years. This energy gets passed down to us through the women in our lineages. In the family constellation work, you can see this very clearly.

My ‘come to Jesus’ moment happened when I was able to face this energy in myself, this tendency to criticize that I inherited, and to really feel the price I have paid for it. And the damage it has done in my relationships. Without drama. Without self-pity. And without guilt. I turned toward it and opened my heart to it, took it in, without words, without thoughts. Honestly, nakedly, without the hardness that is usually there.

man on his knees on beach-ben-white--unsplash

There was something else there though, I could feel it. It was a very deep sense of being sorry. All the way down into my belly. This experience of being truly sorry, without guilt and self-hatred, is very healing. It tends to liberate the pattern that has been persisting in spite of all our efforts.

One word for this healing, liberating energy is ‘remorse.’ I think it’s quite rare to be visited by the experience of true remorse. That’s why I call it a ‘come to Jesus’ moment. It’s very uncomfortable to feel this remorse. It pierces the heart. There are no excuses left. We are down on our knees, in front of the truth, the truth we have been turning away from for a very long time. So there is grief in remorse. But it’s a very special kind of grief. It’s full of clarity and love. I was surprised to feel the depth of love that was holding the remorse. There was love for me, love for everyone inside the remorse. Remorse is like good medicine—very bitter to swallow in the beginning, but essential, if we want to embrace our wholeness.

A moment of true and deep humility does not leave me untouched. I am different, after such a moment. The depth and clarity of what I have been able to face at last, has washed me, left me naked in front of myself. It’s extraordinarily difficult, and a vast relief.

It is Moses in the desert
fallen to his knees before the lit bush.
It is the man throwing away his shoes
as if to enter heaven
and finding himself astonished,
opened at last,
fallen in love with solid ground.
-David Whyte

I give great thanks to Jonathan, who has loved me through all of this.

 

with love,
Shayla

 

 

photo credit: Ben White, unsplash

5 Comments

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  1. Michelle Wilsdon

    I know not better than you
    write, paint, act
    the old Think and Do books of primary school
    You have brought new life into this imperfect, flawed world
    Just to leave it as all do.
    This perfect world, which you trust
    Let me know
    humbly

  2. Julie Seibt

    Once again your beautiful words touch my heart in the perfect time. I had an experience of shame emerge during what was intended to be a compassion meditation. Shame for the time I have been less than compassionate in my actions. It was difficult, yet like bitter-tasting medicine, it was okay and healing. It freed something up in me. It is in that freedom that more compassion flows.

    With gratitude for you,
    Julie

  3. Elsa

    Just what I was looking for but didn’t know it. Thank you.

  4. Carol Noble

    Shayla, As usual ..a direct hit. Many thanks for your willingness to be seen.

  5. Carol Stewart

    Loced this piece Shayla and can totally relate. I’ve had a few of my own ‘come to Jesus’ moments lately and your words help anchor that recognition with gratitude. I find the challenge of being a whole human being an awful and beautiful task. I reflected on the wisdom of one of my teachers who said that when difficult and perhaps terrifying things are coming me way…the only grace I should seek is the grace of turning toward what is and simply, helplessly, humbly say “I’m willing”. If we humans could collectively understand this…if understanding were possible … I wonder what the world would be like? Love to you and Jonathan as we all continue to walk and stumble toward Bethlehem.

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